User talk:Taylor1992
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the User:Taylor1992 page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! Banningk1979 (talk) 01:30, July 13, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:39, July 13, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:39, July 13, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story It was not up to quality standards. There were multiple punctuation (punctuation left outside of quotations in dialogue, commas used incorrectly and missing before dialogue, apostrophes missing from possessive words), capitalization (words improperly capitalized), wording ("Stoke-On-Trent" changes to "Stoke in", "isn't very fluently spoken" is awkwardly phrased and is nonsensical), formatting (the story is one large paragraph, multiple people are speaking in the same paragraph, etc.), and story issues. The story comes off as very rushed and the set-up is unlikely. Why would the dad stop in front of the school and walk around in the middle of the night (especially when he stresses they are late)? Why would the ghost kids push the car five feet and then activate the handbrake? There are a lot of issues here and the story is not up to quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:51, July 13, 2015 (UTC) The writer's workshop can be used for feedback before submitting it. (The link is in the deletion message.) However, in order to re-sumbit it, you need to do a deletion appeal (unless you have completely re-written the story to the point that it is nothing like the original). That being said 'do not do the deletion appeal; without having a re-worked version (in a pastebin link or a link to the WW where it has been re-written). Doing so will result in me copy/pasting my above message and denying the appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:03, July 13, 2015 (UTC) :Good that the story has a few likes. There are issues that if left unfixed/unresolved will result in the story being deleted/denied. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:49, July 13, 2015 (UTC) Re: I'm unfortunately getting ready for work (on a Saturday... semicolon opening parenthesis), but if you put it in a pastebin link on my talk page, I can review it when I get back and give you the ok or tell you what needs improvement on. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 11:50, July 18, 2015 (UTC) :Still waiting on that pastebin link... Please don't post it to my talk page. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 13:58, July 19, 2015 (UTC) Re: The School There are some minor changes that should be addressed. Check to make sure punctuation is inside quotations. (“Ha-ha, look cows”.) You should also make the tenses agree as you are telling the story in past tense so avoid using present tense words. "I then suddenly drive (drove) past what looked like a derelict school and my daughter wakes (woke) up and says (said)..." (additionally a bit of a run-on sentence. I would break it into two at the first "and" to prevent redundancy. "She then proceeded and said" (proceeded and said imply the same thing. Punctuation: "I replied with(punctuation missing) “Where?”" "So out of curiosity and concern(comma missing) I got out of the car(;/.) I looked over the fence into the school playground and saw nothing." Story issues: "...it was about four feet from where I parked it and the handbrake was down." I'm still wondering who or why the ghost kids lowered the handbrake on the car. It just seems out of place. Additionally dialogue should really be spaced out so two speakers are never talking in the same paragraph. (It can cause confusion as to who is speaking and can make it seem cluttered. So it should look like this: "I replied with “Where?” In a terrified and concerned manner due to the fact that my daughter is two and isn’t very coherently spoken (usually doesn't speak coherently). She then proceeded and said (see above), “In the school playground, daddy.”" If you fix those issues, I can't see much reason to deny your appeal. I would have liked to see the story a bit more fleshed out, but that's more of a preference. Make those corrections and you can post it. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:53, July 19, 2015 (UTC) :Looks fine. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:51, July 19, 2015 (UTC) Re: If you're looking for feedback, I would post the story to the writer's workshop. (The link is in the deletion message) Unfortunately I am a bit too busy to sit down and give valuable feedback at this moment. Best of luck. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:11, July 21, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:00, July 22, 2015 (UTC)